Losing an eye

It’s really hard to go out with a group of people, be the most intensely boring person and be powerless to do anything about it. …I am referring to the fact that my catalan/castilian group conversation skills have not improved very much. In one-on-one conversations I’m much better, I have improved a lot and am super-happy with my progress and ability to converse. But in groups of three or more I understand very little and say even less, and the more people, the more difficult it is.

It’s hard when you really want a good hug but you can’t have one because the vast majority of your close friends live over 800 miles away on an island. I really, really miss being around people who love me.

Oh yeah, so I went to Italy, it was really good. I loved the people, I loved speaking catalan with Italians, I loved the city, and the area, was absolutely gorge. Had a bit of a fail the day of our return. I’d arranged to meet with my professor at the hotel door at 7h50. Unfortunately I left my phone on silent, so it didn’t wake me up in the morning. So at 8h05, sleeping tranquilly, I hear a phone ringing, and I’m like “…què és això….???” and almost ignored it, but then suddenly felt fear that it would be somebody speaking in Italian on the other end (I don’t speak Italian) so I didn’t want to answer, then I remembered there was a guy in the hotel who spoke Algherese so I answered, and it was my teacher…

“Sí? Hola?”
“Hola, Joshua, són les vuit i cinc.”
“WHAT?? Oh my goodness!! M‘havia quedat dormido!!”
“Sí m‘havia imaginat, baixa el més ràpid que puguis, ei.”
“Sí! Perdona, perdona, perdona, perdona!”
“Ràpid, ei”
“Perdona, perdona, perdona!!”

If you really wanna know what it all means you can google translate it, except maybe my second part which is a mixture of my half-asleep head’s english, catalan and spanish. But yeah, basically my teacher telling me it’s 8h05 and I need to come down as quick as possible (as we had a plane to catch). But we made it, I just didn’t get to shower :/.

I’m gonna indulge myself a little more and continue the negativity. Yeah, I’m really trying hard to improve group conversation skills, but it’s so hard. And so when I’m there trying it just gets me down, then I want to talk even less, and then I start thinking everyone must hate me cos I’m so boring! I mean, I’m a difficult enough person to get to know as it is, (I’m usually very closed in case you hadn’t noticed) I find groups of people extremely difficult to deal with in England, never mind in Catalonia! Groups of people make me so nervous. And it's so hard to be be fun and enjoy yourself when you don't understand anything and can't say anything remotely interesting! I don't see how anyone could enjoy my company hahaha! SOW, yeah, it’s hard, and it gets me down. I’m not giving up though, just geting down about it, ha. I have the fact that I can hold half-decent one-on-one conversations keeping me going.

AND I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror tonight. I want new clothes and a haircut, and other things too. People like me annoy me.