The night John Grant gave me a hug

Sunday 23rd December 2014. I waited in the freezing cold for an hour and a half. But it was worth every second!

We'll start with the concert...

John Grant and the Royal Northern Sinfonia were stunning. I knew before I went that at some point during the night I would be crying. I hadn't counted on it being during nearly every song. The emotion John imbues in his performances is on another level. His barefaced and unashamed honesty hits you like a brick wall, but the poetry of his complex yet straightforward lyrics and music washes over you like a wave. The songs possess a somewhat grandiose quality, greatly enhanced by the orchestra. Evocative and original metaphors give the songs such life. Yet at the same time they are simple, and to the point.

Your silence is a weapon / it's like a nuclear bomb / it's like the Agent Orange they used to use in Vietnam

This pain / It is a glacier moving through you / It's carving out deep valleys / It's creating spectacular landscapes

My love is the rarest jewel and he crowns me with his love / My love, he is rich like caramel and he moves me from above

The entire performance was breathtaking, John's voice is in excellent shape. I know he's a good singer, but his warm tenor was on top form for some heart-stopping high moments and gorgeous melismas. I was on the edge of my seat the whole night. Luckily the lady sat next to me was kind enough to hand me tissues, seeing the emotional wreck next to her wiping his eyes in between songs must have been somewhat strange.

Highlights included some new songs and I was immediately hooked. "Geraldine" transfixed me. Nobody but John could make the word "shit" sound so beautiful. "No More Tangles" also seemed to utterly overcome and transfix everybody in the auditorium with its intensity. The orchestra's rendition of Rachmaninov's Prélude in C sharp minor was just stunning; a fantastic dramatic introduction to "Pale Green Ghosts", which featured otherworldly, almost terrifying, yet dazzling instrumental interplay between the loops and the synths and the orchestra

He played all the songs I was hoping for, it couldn't have been any more perfect. The rawness of "Drug", the pleading of "Vietnam", the rage of "Queen of Denmark", the spectacular climax of "Glacier" (I was made up to see Chris Pemberton play that on piano). He saved my favourite of all until last, I was becoming nervous and almost upset that I might not get to hear it. Then he sat at the piano and began to play "Caramel". I totally lost it, I was sobbing. The song is so beautiful, such a joy and privilege to listen to, but it causes me pain because of what it reminds me of. Although after all is said and done I was overjoyed he played it; it was marvellous, moving and over much too quickly. I sat for a little while as everybody filtered out of the hall to (somewhat unsuccessfully) try and compose myself.

And then meeting John...

It's funny, because I've been saying since I bought the tickets "Wouldn't it be great to meet John? I bet he'd give good hugs!" And then all of a sudden, some time after 11 (my legs could hardly move properly I'd been stood so long) there he was! Only three of us had waited for him, the other two people got some things signed and then he looked at me: I must have still looked a wreck from the concert, he looked right into my eyes, his expression said "are you okay??" I had so much I wanted to say but all I could manage was to thank him for "everything", for "tonight", for his "honesty" and for playing Caramel and how much it meant to me. He thanked me, put his hand out, told me to give him a hug and pulled me into a hug. I'm still on a high now, and I cannot wait for the next record and tour.

There are no men out there who we can relate to like John. I and many others most often have to turn to women to relate to and draw inspiration from. There are so many shallow "role-models" out there. I cannot think of another intelligent, talented, honest and inspirational male public figure among us like John. I can say he is the only artist who I really feel I can relate to and who inspires me to be better, to live and to create. I'm so grateful for his honesty, and for him sharing so much of himself with us. I hope he knows how important what he's doing is

Body Image Issues (Guess what I don't "need to eat something" & I don't care about the red patches of skin)

Haven't blogged for nearly two years, but here we are again!

Body image is something I've been thinking about for a while. And I started thinking about my own body image, mainly in relation to the visible signs of eczema, the angry red patches of skin on my body, but also my weight, which I've discussed before.

Body image seems to have become a very common obsession with men these days. More common than it ever seemed to be before. I think before it was seen to only be an issue women dealt with. But now men who never bothered before are now doing things like "going to the gym" and discussing "getting ripped" with colleagues at work. However, it still seems that discussion of body image issues primarily revolves around women. It seems men are too ashamed to admit that they too have issues with their bodies, because it's a "feminine" issue. Men pls.

Men's inability to admit that they have issues aside (that's for another post), let's talk about me. I, like most, was very conscious of my body growing up as a teenager and never liked it much. I was way too white, too thin, too bony, my neck was too long, my fingers too spidery, my shoulders never seemed to get any broader like they told us they would in school classes about puberty, and I didn't seem to be growing hair in all the places I was supposed to. Nobody ever told us that some boys' shoulders don't really grow broad, and not everyone grows a whole bunch of hair all over their body. I know now of course, everyone is different and there is huge variation in people's bodies, but at the time I felt inadequate. And I'm sure that's something we're all familiar with.

It took me some time to come to terms with my body. At 17 I was probably at my lowest point (I disliked pretty much everything about myself at that point, but that's another story.) At 18 I began the process of coming to like my body shape, but I still had deep-set issues, which I allowed to be reinforced by a steady stream of comments from acquaintances, friends and strangers regarding the "fact" that I was "too skinny", "needed to eat something" or "anorexic". At this point in my life I still allowed negative things people said to me affect what I thought of myself. And especially where friends were concerned, any negative comments about my weight hurt more and intensified my struggle to come to terms with the fact that my body is perfectly likeable.

Aged 20 I moved to Spain and became more independent than ever before. Having independence helped me a great deal with coming to terms with liking myself. I had to rely on myself more than I ever had before as the support network I'd had all my life was on an island hundreds of miles away. Relying on myself made me realise I could do all kinds of things I never thought I could do, and that I was a person who was worth something, who was worth liking. After being in a situation with a person who by all accounts should have complimented me on my body, but did quite the opposite, I didn't feel good about myself and I ended up spending a lot of time alone.

We had a large mirror in the bathroom of the apartment I was living in, so I could see myself as I showered and as I got out the shower. I was confronted by my own body. I stopped and looked at myself and it began. It began to sink in that my body wasn't so bad. I turned to the side, acknowledged the depth of my body. I turned back, and looked at the deep groove down the middle of my back, looked at how my shoulder blades protruded, how my back curved inwards and then out again towards the bottom. I faced myself. Looked at my flat stomach, my visible rib cage, the way my elbow joints look huge on my spindly little arms. As time went by I began to come to terms with the body I saw in the mirror. I got more and more used to the idea that my body was fine the way it was. Its shape was unique and it was mine and it made me me.

Liking the colour of my skin took a while longer. I have a very light complexion, I have the red hair gene from the Irish side of my family tree. My heritage is also English, and possibly Scottish... so all in all, very white. I practically glow in the sunshine, as the light reflects off of me. I always hated seeing photos of myself in the sun on holiday. I couldn't stand the sight of my bright white skin. I always envied the olive-skinned people I would see on the Mediterranean beaches and as I've gotten older I admire dark-skinned men more and more. Their skin: a beautiful, rich colour, smooth and stunning in the sunlight. My skin: better off covered up and hidden away. As I've gotten more used to liking the shape of my body though, that brought with it the ability to like my skin. My body shape makes me me and my skin makes me me, my skin isn't dark brown, it is bright white, it's mine and I own it. It's my own unique skin.

Further challenges to liking my skin are brought by living with chronic eczema. After a period of relative remission last summer the eczema has required constant looking after, with regular corticosteroid use for nearly a year. This is the longest I've ever had to consistently use topical steroids without a break. What I'm saying is, things aren't great. I'm left with patches of red skin all over my body. For a while I was afraid of them being seen, because of what other people might think. But then I realised life is too short to care about what other people might think of my red patches of skin, and that anybody who makes any negative comment about it isn't worth having around anyway. I may not be physically comfortable in my skin, but I can be emotionally comfortable. I can take ownership of what I have. I can look at myself in the mirror, red patches and all and say "That's me, I'm unique and I'm gorgeous."

And this is what I have learned. I am gorgeous. We are gorgeous in our uniqueness. I learned it through really LOOKING at my own body, and choosing not to see flaws, but uniqueness. I choose to not pay mind to the rude comments of others because I DECIDED that I am worth more than that. I don't need to eat more. I'm not too skinny. I'm not anorexic. I'm Joshua. I accept and love myself, so anybody who can't accept me doesn't really matter.

And that's the difference between me at 23 and me at 18.

Dressing up to go out for half an hour when your body mass index is 17.9 and you have no money

When I dress down somehow I feel more down. If I go out looking fabulous, then I feel fabulous.

I hate to go out wearing just a t-shirt and baggy jeans, I feel like I look shabby and drab, and I feel dingy inside. I don't want to smile because I look like a scruff and I don't want anyone to see me looking so unbearably hideous.

Going out wearing a fabulous fitted shirt, and fitted trousers though, makes me feel like I'm worth a million dollars! It's true, when I feel I look great on the outside I feel good about myself and about being seen, and about whatever it is I've gone out to do. So even though today I only went out to pay a quick visit to the bank and town hall, I dressed in nicer clothes. It was only for half an hour, but so what? I feel like it could be seen by some as pointless, but for me, it's really important to look good. I mean, some days you don't have time to sew a button onto your favourite shirt and match a scarf to it before you go out, but those are just days where you might be a bit closer to the verge of tears while you're walking behind ridiculously slow people on a narrow street in the rain. That's life.

That's why it's really not much fun being -low- on precious £££. My hair is getting too long, it can only sit flat on my head, but I can't afford a haircut. I want to look good for job interviews, but the more unemployed I get, the more unemployed I'm gonna look. I can wear clothes that look nice, and fit me for the first interview, but for the second one, they have to get a bit baggier because I only have one shirt and one pair of smart trousers that actually fit me.

I'm 5'10'' and weigh about 125 lbs. That gives me a body mass index of 17.9. And apparently, that means that I am underweight. (Who knew[??]). My waist measures about 26 inches all the way around, apparently, that's not healthy. The point is, though, that it makes it difficult to buy clothes. 26 inch waist (and regular leg length) trousers for adult men are a fairly rare sight, usually, I have to conform with 28 inch waist trousers, and even those are hard to find sometimes. Tops are even worse. The only size that actually fits me is XXS, XS is too big. Once I was out clothes shopping with a friend and I had found some nice trousers and the assistant wanted to recommend me a t-shirt to go with them, so I told him my size, and he came back with an XS t-shirt. I don't think he could believe that an actual person could be too small for an XS t-shirt. I was, and am.

The result of all this, is that the vast majority of my clothes are too big for me and this can make me feel bad, the point being, that I want money to buy new clothes, that actually fit me, so I can feel better about myself. So many people say they want to be skinny. Just be careful though, cos shopping for clothes as a person as underweight as I can be a real chore. Yeah, I know, boo-hoo, poor guy is too skinny. Well, fat people aren't the only ones with problems. If you will permit me to quickly rant, in society it's generally looked upon poorly to bring up the weight of an overweight person, yet many people feel perfectly comfortable drawing attention to an underweight person's weight. While now I would not be offended at all by somebody bringing up my weight, because I am comfortable with it, just know that it can hurt to be called "too thin", just as much as I imagine it would hurt to be called "too fat."

SCRAP THIS DIET!!!

Gosh that diet was the worst thing I ever did (I'm exaggerating, I like to be dramatic)

I scrapped it a couple of weeks ago. I went to the doctor to get some prescriptions, cos I was not getting any better. If anything, I was getting worse. I obligingly removed my clothes for my (new) doctor and he basically took one look at me and told me my skin was infected. I got lots more prescriptions, and he really conveniently prescribed me 1000g of Doublebase and Epaderm (the two main emollient creams I use for my skin) which means paying less. I also got some antibiotics, Eumovate (moderate corticosteroid cream) and Dermamist Spray. Woo. The scene in the pharmacy was something like this...

So yeah, plenty to be getting on with. The steroid can really keep the eczema under wraps, but it's not something you can use in the long term because it thins the skin. I would really just like for this to go away. I'm really sick of greasing myself up every night before bed and then lying my greasy body in my greasy bed. It's just really not convenient and really not comfortable. Not to mention the morning greasing and the constant itching. My hope at the moment is that it's just gonna disappear on its own now that I am less stressed?? It's a long shot I guess, nobody really understands eczema unfortunately, so there's nothing I can do. I just have to deal with it, that's life! Luckily I have a pretty good one so I'll manage.

Oh yeah, the scrapping of the diet. This was the most fun I've had in a while. I left the doctor's and marched straight to the supermarket and went on a shopping spree... I have the receipt here...

• 4 Chocolate éclairs
• Chocolate fudge pudding
• 500g fresh tagliolini
• 1 ball of mozzarella
• 2 boxes of cubetti di pancetta
• Pitta bread
• 3 100g bars of cheap dark chocolate
• 1.2kg mature cheddar cheese
• 5 Munchies cookies
• Double cream
• Chocolate sauce
• Chocolate chips
• Tuna 
• Orange juice
• White bread
• Lloyd Grossman tomato & parmesan pasta bake sauce

And I got some fruits but that's not important. I was in heaven. Ate the whole ball of mozzarella. Ate the éclairs. Ate loads of chocolate. Heck I was beasting bread and cookies while I waited for my bus. Cooked a cheesy, creamy, tagliolini alla carbonara inspired by a Giada de Laurentiis carbonara I saw her do. All in all I was a happy boy. BUT I did learn things from the diet. I eat tons more vegetables now, and it's actually really fun!!!! Also I love steaming vegetables. I have a fruit smoothie every morning, and I love it, it's such an esay way to get fruit in. Unfermented soy products FTW (shout outs to tempeh and tamari sauce). Basically I eat a lot healthier. I still eat a lot of sweet things, but I eat a lot more fruit and veg than I ever did, and I feel much better in myself. ANYWAY, I will blog more about food soon kbai xoxoxox

I am on a diet.

[If anybody says to me "You don't need to go on a diet, you're skinny" I would like to take this opportunity to cordially remind you that going on a diet is not the same as trying to lose weight, that a skinny person is not necessarily a healthy person, and that skinny people don't always like to be reminded of how skinny they are, in the same way that fat people don't like to be reminded of their fatness.]

I was thinking of writing in my journal, but it's late and I don't wanna get out of bed to get it. And it's part of the reason I started this blog anyway, so I could write 'journal entries' without having to write in my journal.

I'm hopeful and optimistic about the future. We all have our own path to follow, and we all have to be the best person that we can be. And that's just what I want to do. I've been making major improvements to my lifestyle recently.

I recently changed my diet. This whole year so far I've been severely affected by severe eczema, which in January manifested itself stronger than ever before. It was stopping me from sleeping, I was itching constantly. I eventually made it to the doctor who gave me some creams which have been a great help in masking the symptoms so I could sleep and go about daily life easier without constantly scratching myself. They make going to bed uncomfortable, because I have to be covered in a really greasy emollient, but it's better than waking up with unbearable itching. Anyway, I recently read about a diet plan on a lady's website which she says will help naturally heal eczema:

A natural cure for eczema requires not only avoiding food allergies, but also following a complete and balanced nutritional program and including exercise, relaxation, social harmony, contentment. In short, a lifestyle in line with natural living - are necessary for complete healing of eczema through natural means.

I'm nervous about the exercising part, because when I get too hot I have a full body outbreak of the most severe itching, which is not a pleasant experience I can tell you (especially when you're with your friends in the middle of a busy nightclub and you have to walk 15 minutes to get home!). I'm going to give it a try though and go back to doing some Jane Fonda, I hope to exercise, or at least do stretching every morning. Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent, I wanted to talk about the diet:

• I've had to stop eating a lot of foods I really love. I am a huge consumer of dairy, so it is really difficult for me to stop eating cheese and milk and the like.
• I used to have a bowl of sugary cereal with milk every morning. Now I am not allowed dairy or processed grains, and breakfast is raw fruit. (I have an apple and a satsuma)
• I am discovering the virtues of fermented soy products (unfermented soy is a no-go). Tamari sauce is amazing, and I am very much enjoying miso soup with its seaweedy goodness. I hope to soon discover the many uses for tempeh.
• I eat vegetables every day. The recommended diet says you should have vegetable juice for dinner every day, but I don't have a juicer and I really don't think I could do that, so I make meals with lots of fried vegetables, sometimes just dinner, but sometimes lunch too.
• I like meat, but haven't been eating it for a while due to the fact that I haven't been able to afford it. This diet recommends avoiding meat so I haven't really had a problem with this.
• Hydrogenated oils are a no-go, so I am currently searching for coconut oil or ghee to do my frying with, but I've been so far unsuccessful.
• I have a cucumber in the fridge and I'm still not sure what to do with it.
• White rice and white flour pasta are off limits. Luckily for me, brown rice tastes just fine to me, and I have been able to find wholeweat penne, fusilli and spaghetti pasta, and I don't even notice a difference in taste.
• High glycemic foods are off-limits. This includes, besides white rice and pasta, cakes and pies. I had recently gotten into the habit of baking myself cakes for consumption throughout the week, because I have a really sweet tooth and it's much cheaper to bake your own chocolate muffins than it is to buy them. That's stopped now, and I shed a tear every day for the empty box where I used to store muffins T_T
• Other things I can't (or rather, it is recommended that I shouldn't) eat include: pastry, yeast (so most bread), crisps, salt, artificial sweeteners, preservatives, food colouring, and synthetic vitamin and mineral supplements.

So in synthesis, I've had to stop eating a lot of things which I loved to eat, and am currently searching for alternatives to them (gotta be really careful with my chocolate now, also I NEED CAKE), I read the ingredients of all the foods I buy, but I feel really good about eating so much fruit and veg, and it is much easier than I thought to do.

Buses, Babs and the lengths I will go to for a reasonably-priced can of good quality hairspray

My hair is naturally straight and it is extremely fine, so au naturel it is a depressingly flat, shapeless mop on top of my head. I'd rather look like I am sporting a bird's nest to be honest. Hence I can't be without a comb and good hairspray. So anyway last week I ran out of hairspray, I use Tresemmé freeze hold, swear by it. But money is tight at the moment, could I afford 'fast drying', 'extra strong hold', 'professional quality', 'humidity resistant', 'climate controlling', 'used by professionals' hairspray? I didn't feel like I could justify it, so instead bought a 70p supermarket brand can. Bad idea. To my hair it was like Magikarp's splash... no effect. I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed, used half the can, and it did NOTHING. NO-THING. Tresemmé it is then.

The supermarket nearest my house (Sainsbury's, like 20 minutes away) carries it, but would have me pay £5 for it! Pah! I had seen it just days before in ASDA for just £3. SÃO, it was decided. I spent my afternoon getting the two buses to ASDA, to get a can of hairspray. Nothing else. And I don't feel like I wasted a single moment in doing this.


Anyway, normally when you signal a bus driver you want him to stop they'll indicate to show other vehicles, as well as your good passenger self that they are going to stop. Did the driver of the number 12 bus do this on hairspray afternoon? No. No he didn't. He didn't at all. So I signalled again at which point he was close enough for me to see him gesturing impatiently towards the bus door, was he trying to tell me it wouldn't open? Perhaps he wanted me to come and meet him halfway?? Upon the bus's arrival, I noticed the door was open, as if I should have realised that and stopped my irritating signalling -.-


Catching the bus is always sometimes interesting (even sometimes the waiting is interesting, not too often though). A regular topic of conversation in our house is the people on the number 7 bus, who we both know well from all the times we have caught the bus. We've started giving them nicknames now (well, those people whose names we haven't already found out), the nicknames began just last week as I was discussing a terrifying bus ride with "Babs", her kids, and her sister's kids running riot. It was decided that this woman's name should be "Babs" for some reason, she is loud, has loads of kids, and me and my housemate see her everywhere. When I think about the many, many hours I have spent traveling on buses, I think that it's nice I get to derive some form of enjoyment from all this time spent sitting down being ferried around the houses.


The bus drivers can also be a good topic of conversation. Also last week, one started driving away before I'd finished getting off AND I NEARLY TRIPPED. But I didn't fall over, luckily. My housemate says I should have, then I could have sued Stagecoach. She's probably right. Agck. Then the next day when I got the midnight bus home, the guy driving it looked about 80, srsly, he looked like he should have been at home tucked up in bed, asleep, like 6 hours before. His glasses were from the 1970s!!!!!!! I am not lying. And don't get me started on the ones that drive away when you've barely gotten on, though they're actually not that bad here. In Spain it's like they're really angry at you for making them stop, they're always in a serious hurry to get somewhere.


So who else have I seen on the bus, I hear you ask. (I feel like my blog is turning into a blog about the people I see on the bus D:) Well, last week I also saw a guy with wispy green hair. It was the grossest colour you can imagine. Green tinged with yellow. And wispy. It was wispy, and it made me sick. The day before I was on a bus with one other guy, with a decent haircut, but a really miserable face, and as he made his way down the gangway to get off, he did a pull up on the rings for standing passengers without a perfect sense of balance to support themselves at the front of the bus. I was like ¿¿??

WHY ARE YOUR JEANS COVERED IN ZIPS PLZ??

So today when I was walking home i saw a guy I guess you'd call him a punk? (I didn't know that term was even still relevant in 2012?) He was wearing these pants that were covered in zips, like all over. You know the ones I'm talking about? I can't even find a picture of them online. HOW DO THESE PEOPLE GET HOLD OF THESE HIDEOUS PANTS? It's a fashion I don't get. I mean the zips have no function. They're just tiny lil zips. Do these people have some kind of skin condition that means that tiny specific patches of their skin need air at certain times? Is that what the zips are for? So they can unzip different slits of their trousers at different times and let their skin breathe?? Don't they make special breathable cotton or something? Seriously though, I realize that fashion doesn't have to have function. When I put a scarf on to go to the supermarket in the middle of summer in the south of France I don't to it to keep warm, I do it to look good. But tiny zips all over your pants...... just leaves me all like "¿?"

Earlier in the day, whilst I was waiting at the bus stop I saw a guy who looked like an English version of famous Mexican vlogger Benshorts. (he's famous to me anyway...) I totally wanted to just stare at him. I mean, I suppose I couldn't really tell if he really looked like Benshorts cos he was wearing these (really nice) Police sunglasses. Do you ever wonder if people notice you staring at them?

When we finished for Easter holidays a few days ago I went out and had fun stayed up late and played Populous. There is something DEEPLY SATISFYING about engaging in tribal warfare involving magical shamans. The triumphant feeling you get as your shaman cries out the incantation to cast a volcano in the middle of your enemy's settlement is incomparable. I can't go out dancing anyway at the moment due to [mysterious] CERTAIN MEDICAL DIFFICULTIES [/mysterious]. The plus side of that though is that I can leave a shop (the chemist) with a bag full of goodies without being wracked with guilt the way I would be if I actually bought that Ybarra extra virgin olive oil, or those DKNY shirts, or that Calvin Klein underwear, or those cardigans from H&M, or a whole collection of scarves from River Island. The other great thing about the chemist is I love the people that work there. They're this group of really nice ladies. It was good cos today I got to sit around cos they had a computer fault so I had to wait from any time between five and fifteen minutes. In my head I pretended that I was part of their little group even though they don't know my name and we've never had a real conversation, although today was progress in terms of conversation as I got told I would have to wait and I got to ask how long, I felt like I was almost part of the inner circle.

So yeah, I was also reading Tomb Raider vlogs yesterday. I actually took a break from working. Feels like I've been doing nothing but translate and write essays and prepare presentations and translate and write about translating and read and translate for the past three months. Egh, DUH. Cos that's what I did for the past three months -.- So yeah I was reading these vlogs and wishing I could just sit and play Tomb Raider. Or be Lara Croft. One of the two. We'll find out which one soon.

Wikipedia

Sometimes it's fun getting lost in Wikipedia. I don't even remember what I started with tonight, but ended up reading about International citizenship, the 14th Dalai Lama, Shamanism and Southern Antarctic Islands, among other things. Heh.

Freedom of speech

I think is really helpful for a person's development.

Tengo ganas de start blogging again.

Let's see what happens.

My year abroad finished. I did a pretty awful job of chronicling it here. Oh well. I can't be bothered to recount all the things that happened. Maybe they'll come up in future blogs. Now I am home in England. I've been back a week now and I've had a really good time. I've seen a lot of my good friends and next week I'm going to stay with my best friend for a few days.

I keep almost saying "Hola" to people when I see them, instead of "Hello". When this happens my unfortunate brain usually realises it while the word is about to exit my mouth, and so I end up saying something like "ohlo." My mother pointed out it might be best just to stick with "hola." I also keep answering the phone with "Sí?¿" I'm sure I'm going to have so much fun trying to switch to French next month. Although, next Thursday I am going to meet my French friend so I will be able to let you know if I can still hold together a conversation in French.

I still have a STUPID essay to do for my English uni. I have two days to do it, because I need to post it off so that it gets there before the deadline. Woohoo. I don't want to do it. I have to write 3000 words about a 10000 word journal on my stay in Spain and the many cultural, linguistic and other differences I observed whilst there.

Last night I went to eat out with my friend and her friends for her 21st birthday. We went to Nawaab in Manchester. I think it's the second time I've been to a Indian/Asain restaurant. It's a buffet place so you can have whatever you want. We had to wait a while for a table, and so got to see a wedding party come in, complete with drums for the entrance of the groom. I had to get my friend (who knows all about the food) to help me with what food was what, because I didn't have a clue. And I even tried curry (Rogan Josh). My poor mouth though, is not made for spicy food. I think I did fine in Spain with the spicy stuff, but Indian food to me is verrrrry spicy. I had to drink a lot of lassi. I did enjoy the food though, especially all the different chickens. I had a lovely time though. I got my friend several presents, including a "signed" framed photo of Michael Fassbender, which you can see below:


Oh, we had to run for our train afterwards. We got a (extortionately expensive) taxi back to the main train station because we missed the train there and then had to run because our train left from the far-away-up-above platform over moving walkways with idiot vegetable people stood blocking the way. We made it though, yay <3

Ooh I'm playing organ again, it's so good to be able to do it again <3

This week I need a haircut.

Just a thought

It's not religion that causes all these problems that people blame on it, but a complete, utter and devastating lack of respect for others and what they do and believe.

If a person can't respect others then it doesn't matter what they do or don't believe.

So basically what I'm saying is, the blame lies with people.

Barrio in disrepair

Today I did 3 and half hours of classes. That means lots of €€€ :)

Today is also the day I have my most difficult class: a group of children under 8. Today it went pretty well though! There was still the usually "I'M BORED! I WANT THE CLASS TO END NOW!" from the usual troublemaker, but it went a lot better than other days.

Also, the sun is shining. When I got out after teaching the class I just couldn't help but smile being out in the gorgeous sunshine. It was glorious. I love the sunshine.

I was so happy, that I decided to work out when I got home, cos I was feeling motivated. I also put my bedding and clothes in the wash. After working out I went to have a shower, as is customary. However, no water seemed to be coming out. I put it down to the washing machine being on. However, later, after trying to flush the toilet and wash the plates, we realised we have no water. There's no water in the entire neighbourhood. Last night we had a power cut too. The place is falling apart -_-. I looked in the washing machine and finally realised why it didn't seem to be doing anything and my things all looked completely dry.

I would pick this day to work out and do laundry.

"Ell"

Although I do like some of my classes here. I am actually struggling a bit. There's one class I really don't like:catalan orthoepy, to which I haven't been for weeks. I guess it's just me being silly really, but the teacher really didn't make me feel welome so I kind of ran away. Just because last semester all the profs were so happy to have me in their classes and to let me "anar fent" and learn doesn't mean everyone will. I mean, he was probably just concerned that I wouldn't be able to handle the class, but still, it makes me not want to attend. It's too late to change now though and I suppose I'll have to go at some point.

Also struggling with feeling stupid when I can't answer things because I don't have as good a grip on the language as the natives obviously do. Also, some of the people in my classes this semester aren't so friendly. I mean, I guess it's just my British interpretation of rudeness, but being consistently referred to as "ell" (him) by your classmates doesn't seem very polite and when they are asked "i com es diu 'ell'?" (and what is 'he' called?) by the teacher they simply respond saying they don't know, with the kind of tone that implies they really don't care nor want to know. So only the profe actually calls me by name in that class, to everyone else I'm just "ell."

Traveller

I'm going to Valencia on Friday. I'm really looking forward to it. I've never really travelled like that before, like gone to a place to visit for a few days with a couple of friends. We'll be staying in a hostal and exploring the delights of the city. It's gonna be great. Today we stocked up on snacks. I bought way too many sweets and baked goods to take with me so I don't get hungry xD.

Also, I'm so so so into Tomb Raider at the moment. I'm playing a game someone made called Himalayan Mysteries. I think it's amazing that normal people have made entire Tomb Raider games with their free time. Lara will forever be my one true love *_*

Japi

I'm really happy. Bit by bit, I am removing negativity from my life. I thought about it and I think I've changed quite a lot as a person recently. Whereas before I could be quite a conduit for negativity, and at various times and through various means, encouraged negativity to come into my life, I now do not. Now when I see negativity I just think "I don't want that, it's not worth it", because it isn't. I have much better things to do with my time than waste it with negativity and negative people. It makes me happy to think about it.

For example, recently I dscovered a "friend" with whom there have been a lot of troubles with in the past had deleted me on facebook. We had spent several months not speaking, and a few months ago she decided to make friends with us again, which I was fine with because there's no need to hold a grudge when someone takes everything back and apologises. But anyway, the other day I was looking through some photos and thought I'd go see what was going on on her facebook only to find I need to add her as a friend to see these things. While it perplexes me and intrigues me a little, before, I would have investigated and probably got into some kind of messy argument. However now, I just don't care! I love being like this.

I'm very grateful for the recent changes in my life. I have some amazing people in my life. It's so important to be close to people who bring out the best in you, I found this out last year, the guy I lived with told me that's what you need in a serious relationship, and this is true, but it's helpful in friendships too.

¡¿Bärçêlõnà?!

Lookee meeee, I changed my keyboard layout to Spanish!! So now I can type all my languages properly. The only problem is I sometimes have to guess, hopelessly pressing several buttons before I actually arrive at the desired one, since my keyboard is UK layout, and all the punctuation, accents and stuff are in different places. I'm slowly learning though, I changed my desktop background to a picture of the Spanish keyboard to help me hahaha.

I've done quite a lot over the past two weeks, my friend from my uni in England moved here, so we've been going to see things in Lleida, and now I'm eating so much better cos we usually cook together. We had chicken and peppers and onions and fajita flavouring and nachos yesterday and it was sooooooooooo good!!! Riquísimo!

Last weekend we went to Barcelona! I never knew it was such a beautiful city. Literally everywhere you go there is something to see, some gorgeous building, a plaça, some sort of monument, it's just full of stuff! This stuff including, unfortunately, tourists... Which annoys me a bit. Everyone was speaking English too ¬_¬. Anyway we spent a lot of time in the gothic quarter and also went up to see Montjuïc Castle which was great.

Then we went to do a bit of shopping, and gosh, we nearly MISSED our train home. We really thought we weren't gonna make it and have to shell out for an AVE ticket. We were in the Plaça de Catalunya like, oh crap... we don't have much time do we¿? I was trying to be positive, but the metro seemed to stop for so long at each stop... five stops to go... four... three... two... and one... and we're at the station! Yay! We're totes gonna make it!

No.

What we didn't bargain for is a half a mile of underground walking to reach the actual train station from the metro stop. So when it says you're at Barcelona Sants, you're actually not. You're a half a mile away. Every. corner. we turned. there was more walking to do, we were paaaaanicking, like n iheoiarwhich WHICH WAY TO GO?¿?¿?¿¿?¿¿???

LUCKILY, we finally got there and made it with seconds to spare.

Whew.

If you're thinking of going to visit Barcelona the advice I would give you is DO GO. and also HOLD ONTO YOUR THINGS in the underground, not just on the metro, but when you get off and are in the underground too. Y no haría falta guardarlas mientras estás caminando por las calles también!

SÃO... my work situation is changing. I quit two classes and I have a new class where I teach four boys on Thursdays, two are 7, one is 8 and one is 5. The 5 year old is actually the best behaved and has amazing English for a 5 year old. It is a bit difficult working with four kids doing an oral class, but I'm managing it I think. My other classes are going well. My monday one is my fave, with the 10 year old twins, I can actually always have a laugh with them and they behave really well.

This week was the return to uni, finally! My classes seem reaaaally interesting this semester, I'm looking forward to carrying on. And I also only have to be in Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, yay!

I'm trying to keep up with the working out, did one yesterday and will do another one tonight, cos I didn't do any on Monday or Tuesday, since they are my busy days, though next week I would prefer to fit one in on one of those days if I can.

Anyway, SÃO... that's it.... thanks for watching... by--

January.

I'm feeling somewhat inspired, we'll see where it goes... Maybe I'll write a text of some kind since I'm pianoless.

Anyway, so I found out yesterday that the choir I play in are doing a concert for Easter. I'm looking forward to playing some new stuff. And then I'll be able to get back to practicing too. I NEED PIANO. Seriosuly sick of living without one, I just get the urge all the time to play, only to find I can't, so I just pace aimlessly around my room, or pretend to play on my desk.

I'm feeling pretty happy at the moment. Things aren't perfect, especially not with my "work", people are messing me around. Buuuut, I'm putting my proverbial foot down and refusing to let them leave me hanging without any work, when I could be working for other people. (Basically I sent some threatening emails) Well, they weren't really that threatening... ... ...well okay they were, BUT I got some help to make them sound much nicer and less brutal. Anyway, once the semester starts and I have a timetable I'll be able to organise everything properly and start earning proper money again. This month I earned so little it's a joke, so not too happy about that. But hopefully next month I'll start earning more.

Today my friend from England arrives to come and live with us, yay! I'll be going to pick her up from the train station in a few hours. It'll be nice to have her around.

It's been a fairly interesting month. I was in England at the beginning, now I'm in Spain obvs. I haven't really done too much, but things have happened. Oh I was so ill last weekend, but I'm better now. I'm fairly certain what caused the illness was diet-related, so I've changed a couple of things that should help. I'm also exercising again. Doing pretty well, I did 3 times last week! :D I've been doing more cardio too. (I love YouTube & Just Dance).

I think Ima try and make my blog more like it was at the beginning of last year. I was reading the entries and it was so much more interesting (imo, anyway...)

Va...va... Lazy -.-

I’ve been being so lazy recently! I’ve been doing next to nothing really, cos the semester doesn’t start til mid-February so all I have on at the moment is final works for first semester’s classes and teaching.

With regards to teaching I’m hoping to take on more classes this semester cos I want more money. I already have a few offers so we’ll see how it goes when I get my new uni timetable.

My language is improving. It was a bit difficult to get my tongue used to speaking Spanish again when I got back. I was talking to a friend on Sunday and I just couldn’t get my tongue round Spanish so I gave up and spoke Catalan instead (so much easier to get my tongue around). I mean, really, I was just like acost… acost….jsafhiehaubuacbn…. It’s better now though, now that I’ve been back for a little while. I have the opportunity to practice Spanish a bit more now too, so hopefully I’ll keep improving and soon reach that magic point where it all makes sense to me!

I miss home a lot. Miss my family and friends a lot. Kinda wish I had stayed a bit longer. Maybe I’ll be able to go back in a few months’ time. We’ll see. My family’s coming to visit for a week in April, and my best friend is coming for a long weekend also in April. So that will be verrrrrrrry nice ^_________^. Also my friend from my english university is coming to live with me in just over a week, so I’m really looking forward to that.

Next week = [/being so lazy]

El sol i la lluna

In English this means "The Sun and the Moon". It's a truly magical song, I could never get sick of it. Well, I could never get sick of Maria del Mar Bonet, her voice, her words, her catalan: all utterly gorgeous.

I’m working on translating some of her songs to English. This is gonna be one of the first ones I do (along with No voldria…). The thing with translating music/poetry is it can go a couple of ways: you can either stay true to the meaning of the words, OR, you can create a translation that has a meter or fits with music. I'm going to TRY and create both, if I can. One that translates the MEANING of the words, and one that fits with the MUSIC. But we'll see... I don't think it's very likely that I'll be able to do the music-fitting one, but I'll try. What matters more to me, in any case, is conveying the meaning of the words, so somebody who doesn't understand Catalan can listen to the song, and not only appreciate the beauty of its sounds, but also the meaning of the words.

I wish I could find people who just would fight me and break through to me and hold me down and scream their life into my face.

-(atributed to Angelina Jolie, but I can't find a source for it)